Cognition vs Emotion

It is dreadfully paralyzing having an overtly sensitive and debauched limibic system that vainly robs me of the use of personal cognitive faculties. I feel like I’m in a constant state of absent-mindedness, operating in lizard-brain mode: emotions untamed, cognitions retarding in squalor.

And yet, nothing appears to satiate my emotional strife into a semblance of reason-rife functionality. My emotions are either flailing down the dark canals of my bowels or are uncomfortably glued to the back of my throat, leaving my stomach in a perpetual state of distress and my breath smelling like bilious, undigested complacency.

Helplessly, I feel utterly bereft of all remedies to resolve this emotional overwhelmness. I’ve futilely changed the way I think, changed my belief system, and changed my expectations of the world, myself, and others in the past, but cognitive dissonance reigns supreme, giving my emotions sovereignty over my spent cogntive processess.

If my heart and mind continue to live in oppositional chaos, as separate rival entities, in riotous disharmony, my outlook is morbidly bleak.

Positive, rational change is in dire needed. This malevolent discord between faculties has to resolve. Cognition and Emotion need to dance in harmony in order to achieve the smallest morsel of personal happiness, contentment, and peace.

writhing in madness

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Screams from upstairs echo and penetrate the roach-infested walls
now they are fucking concerned
that bitch needs to stop her bawl

minutes pass
after the blast
people crowding in the hall

I wake but I'm faint
hands full of blood
drenched in Death's paint

Feelings of failure begins to churn
the bullet in my chest starts to burn
maybe Death passed me up
because I tired to end my live before my fucking turn

I clutch my splintered memories tautly...
waiting impatiently for the heart stopping blow...
hoping to die or somehow for the pain to let go...

No such luck...
thoughts of futility relentlessly reappear...

a romantic date

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

agonizingly ready and emotionally disemboweled...
I'm prepared to throw in the blood-crusted towel...

not in a rush, I sit here disillusioned and hurt to death....
feeling ever more cursed than blessed....

thoughts of suicide begin showering my face with temporary glee....
until society trespassed and got a glimpse of my treacherous soul...
which reflected emotional poverty...
empty, useless, stained like an outhouse's toilet bowl...

the blood in my decrepit veins begins to chill...
constantly regretting the fact that during my short life I have never killed...

Now, my hideous heart beats with shame and guilt for committing such inactions...
which is unrelenting and fails to cease...
Thus, I put my melancholic life in the devil's hand
and deftly load my 'piece.'

Much time has elapsed, and I'm ready to do the deed...
So, I pull the trigger...
dropping my limp carcass to it's cowardly knees

the humiliation and horror, however, doesn't seem to remit...
like before my despicable corpse hit the ground...
the world mocked my suicide with a disdainful, pitiless frown

fuck 'em...

indigestion

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Indifference replaces
Apathy embraces
wasting in a melancholic disgrace

No energy left to triumph over the strife
Suicide promises refuge from this deplorable plight

head bruised
Heart torn
I slit my wrist and
let the blood pour

Life seeps from my veins
Self-murder committed in vain

double locked the door
Blood pooling
Saliva drooling
Blood floods the floor

Body found two days late
Heart uprooted
Served on a cold plate

Dinner is served
A delectable feast you don't deserve

Licking your lips in a crazed bliss
keen to the crumbs
making sure nothings remiss

incoherent ramblings...

Outlaw Outsider Outcast
....
Defying convention
Aberrant minded
Classes divided
Valued on prejudicial conditions
....
Villains Vultures Vipers
....
Fraudulent Clergy
Crooked Solicitation
Government embraces perjury
Suffering packaged for exploitation
....
Mongrel Menace Miscreant
....
On my bloody feet
Not on my polished knees
Unconquerably I stand straight
Redemption rendered by mythical fee
....
Psychology Psyche Personality
....
Washed by blood
Ethically vext
Morally adored
Incongruent thoughts deplored

Evolution

From villain to academic
From felon to scholar
From goon to schooled
From thug to savant
From outlaw to sage
From miscreant to learned
From hoodlum to thinker
From convict to intellectual
From scoundrel to cerebral
From crook to wise

To be continued...