As I lay here scantly clad in bed, I'm infinitely beleaguered by how fear has so blindly mauled and mangled my potential for doing something greatly magnificent in life. From a very early age, I knew I was destined to accomplish extraordinary achievements others seldom obtain. I was full of promise, perseverance, and resiliency throughout my upbringing despite the harrows held secretively captive in a house of horrors. Back then, I dreamed big, envisioned a life without gratuitous pain and intolerable suffering, a life rife with unconditional acceptance, undying warmth, and a profundity of love.
These days, the endless drive that fueled my thoughts as a youngster has sadly dissipated into a thin smoke of disillusionment. Naught appears to be able to reignite that spark, that fire, that determination I once had. It seems like emotional ineptness only grants me permission to writhe and wallow in the harrows that haunt my heart. The intensity of such torment drastically increases woefully with every passing year.
Staring at life through the lens of troubled eyes unconsciously positively reinforces my negative beliefs about others, about the world, about myself; that is, moral decay is abundant, cruel savages continue to dictate social propriety, and self-depreciation remains wildly unchecked. It appears hope of a better future has been maliciously strangled, callously impaled, and set center stage for the demonic public to feast their fiendish eyes upon.
Ultimately, there has to be a way out of this dreadful and bleak plight. My sufferings must come to an optimistic end. My love for life must be recaptured before my mind grows ill, weak, and begins festering with an incurable case of stagnation. I direly need to find a way through the depravity that hinders my pursuit of happiness and overcome my fear of inadequacy.Alas, I desperately need and long for positive, perpetual change in my life.
These days, the endless drive that fueled my thoughts as a youngster has sadly dissipated into a thin smoke of disillusionment. Naught appears to be able to reignite that spark, that fire, that determination I once had. It seems like emotional ineptness only grants me permission to writhe and wallow in the harrows that haunt my heart. The intensity of such torment drastically increases woefully with every passing year.
Staring at life through the lens of troubled eyes unconsciously positively reinforces my negative beliefs about others, about the world, about myself; that is, moral decay is abundant, cruel savages continue to dictate social propriety, and self-depreciation remains wildly unchecked. It appears hope of a better future has been maliciously strangled, callously impaled, and set center stage for the demonic public to feast their fiendish eyes upon.
Ultimately, there has to be a way out of this dreadful and bleak plight. My sufferings must come to an optimistic end. My love for life must be recaptured before my mind grows ill, weak, and begins festering with an incurable case of stagnation. I direly need to find a way through the depravity that hinders my pursuit of happiness and overcome my fear of inadequacy.Alas, I desperately need and long for positive, perpetual change in my life.
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